The past normally stays in the past but sometimes it creeps up into your present and changes your future. For a while now I have been struggling with this certain person from my past and my feelings have been up and down on the situation. Do I keep him in my life? Or say good bye forever? I've hurt and cried and loved and laughed. Shared good memories and bad. But all that doesn't matter now. It doesn't matter how I feel or how much I hurt. What matters is that this certain person needs me to step up and push the problems aside. He needs someone to tell him everything is going to be okay and that i'm there for him. To give him a hug on days that he feels he can't make it through. To wipe his snot and tears as he cries over the loss he's felt and the loss that will be. I now feel that he was put back in my life not for my happiness or my satisfaction but for his. To make sure that he stays on the right path through these winding roads and that he finds his way. For him to know that he will never be alone no matter how much he feels it. That someone does and will always love him. I know now, it was meant to be.

Insomnia

Insomnia
My mom would always tell me it's just something that happens as you get older, whenever I'd ask her why she was always up at night. Now I totally get it. I mean if I were to go lay down in bed in the pitch black, I would make myself crazy with thoughts of shit that needed to be done. So here I sit at 1:15am all by my lonesome while the rest of my family members sleep. It's odd how during the day I wish for peace and quiet and now that I have it I don't like it. AT ALL! It's sorta creepy when the rest of the house is bathed in darkness and the only light on is my computer screen. And talk about makes your mind wonder and think up things to freak you out. Like when your were little and monsters lived under your bed and in closets? Yea that's how I feel right now. I also find that I talk out of my mind when I lack sleep. For example: the pic I posted up with this little blog, I'm staring at it, mesmerized by all the pretty flowers that makes the words AWAKE and SLEEP. And if I seriously don't end this blog right now, it will be a long ass page with nothing but my ramblings. So on that note I leave you with, INSOMNIA SUCKS ASS!! Laters, The Maggie

Birth and Celebration.

Today I Celebrate the birth of my oldest son.
He turns 8 today. And boy does he think he's big stuff.
He has taken the "older" brother role to heart. He is the thinker, the instigator, the helper and the protector of his younger siblings.

As I watch in amazement the changes before my eyes, they shine with happiness and love. From the day his little fingers wrapped around my one he had my heart forever.

He will always be my little boy and I hope to always be "the mom" he can always turn to. Whether it be to clean a scraped knee, or for me to console when life troubles come his way.


I celebrate this joyous day of my first born and
hold close all the memories we have made and
the ones that are to come. As I sit and cry happy tears reminiscing his baby years, I watch my big
boy grow.

Happy Birthday Michael!!

Live

Life *sigh* has been a real bitch. My marriage has been up and down and my son is battling a life threatening disease. I could sit here and complain about all the crap that has been thrown my way. But I wont, because I know there is someone somewhere else out there in this world that we call life, has it worse off than I do. So today I will say DON'T just exist but LIVE, feel, love, embrace, hope, believe and concur life. Don't just be another person here on this earth without a purpose. Make your life meaningful and full of love. Do things for others and not just for yourself. It doesn't have to be drastic. It can be something as simple as giving a stranger a helping hand or smile that might just turn their life around. Believe that God has a fulfilling destiny for you. Live every day like it will be your last and wake up with a smile on your face that will make everyone around you smile back. These little things can make a HUGE difference in peoples lives. So LIVE and NOT just exist.

On another note my dear cousin I love so very much who is like a Brother to me is getting married tonight. I am proud and honored to have watch him become this wonderful man God has made him, taking the hand of his wife and making a new family of his own. I pray blessings over him and his newlywed and that they may have a long and healthy marriage.

Stranger

How can you feel so at ease with a stranger and feel so distant from a friend?

Can a stranger be your friend?

Is it weird to miss someone you've never met?

How can that someone feel like your closest friend but yet so far away?

I miss someone I've never met, and yet I feel like they're the only person who knows me at all.

I miss her randomness and the way she makes me laugh.

I miss how my lips turn into a smile when my phone beeps with her texts.

I miss her quirky ways and dorkiness.

I miss her song lyrics and how she completes mine.

I miss everything about this person I've never met and my heart hurts, knowing she hurts.
We may be miles apart and complete strangers but I miss her as if we've been long life friends.

Hate/Love

I hate how you try on everything in your closet then don't hang it back up..

I hate how you leave the toothe paste cap off..

I hate how you leave your work boots in the house..

I hate how you park behind me in the driveway...

I hate how you steal all the covers at night..

I hate how you leave empty glasses around the house..

I hate how you clown me on liking vampires...

I hate how you burp and fart then blame it on someone else...

I hate how one decision changes everything...

I hate how you can make me cry without any words spoken to me at all...

I hate how my heart hurts from your actions...

But most of all I HATE that I really don't hate you at all... I love you more than my own life...

The Maggie....

Let's see... Hmmm I tend to talk in the third person (often). If you asked why, I wouldn't have an answer for you. I often do things that I have no answer or explanation for. My mind works in mysterious ways.... Half the time I don't even understand myself, which makes me wonder how people can understand me at all? *Shrugs* I am who I am and you either like me or not. My own little world only exists of black and white. NEVER grey! I'm either on a real high or real low. The Maggie, <--- See *chuckles* makes what she has out of life. She lives one second, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. She takes nothing for granted because life is short. I could sit here all day and chat away about what runs through this twisted mind of mine. But the clock ticks and it is time for The Maggie to go... TaTa for now!!